I wonder why I let you shake me
and why it feels so good
I wonder why I let you break me
If you only understood
The way I feel confuses me
It's not grey nor black nor white
It's starlight yellow with shades of black
like sunshine in the night
You elicit alien highs to let me down
You feed my heart with open lies
you make me want to unite with the floor
and secrete myself deep into my cries
I'll camouflage my sunshine feelings
The brightness just may blind you
I'll carry shades of black on my shoulders
and pour them on me to delight you
The obscurity is what keeps you here
Which is why you'll never truly know
While my darkness may seem uninviting
My sunshine needs a chance to grow
Swell up and spread and lock inside me
until I'll feel ready to burst
It will turn my organs into poison
while I wait for you to quench my thirst
That will never be you
You'll never be my soldier
Never to be my shining armor
or my way away from torture
I don't know what I'm waiting for
Some miracle, some dream
Some Godforsaken fantasy
Is where I might come clean
You'll never see my complete sunshine
unleashed from the crooked shade
You'll never know my veritable feelings
because you'll always see them grey
I think you like that tactic better
You would rather not attempt to see
My once deep feelings becoming hollow
Waiting for you to set them free
Everytime they surface
you push them down into the dirt
Then you walk all over them
To leave me sad and hurt
I don't know why I sit and watch you
and say it's all okay
I wonder why some minute laughter
allow's me to tolerate your ways
Right now I will just say Thank You
for sharing your exciting nights
For your random living free with me
Saving me from reason while I was right
One day I may grasp that rare happiness
The kind that never goes away
Maybe one day I'll live this dream
with you washed out of my days
