My headache is splitting
From spending money
On what they are getting
I'm tired of buying
Then waiting for the expected
Sounds of disappointed sighing
I can't stand the sound
Of Santa's Reindeers dainty shoes
Another earful of Christmas Blues.
If I see another Christmas cookie
I think right where I stand
I'll bend over and barf...
Cause if I look at the mess
Those green and red sprinkles
Will be spread all round
Like the twinkles of sprinkles
On Grandma's Christmas scarf...
I have licked so many stamps
That my tongue keeps sticking
To the roof of my mouth
And, I keep watching the sky
For a glimpse of Santa's
Red and white butt flying South...
The hot lights on my tree
Have turned it brown and ash gray
And Christmas is but kept
Another painful week away
If I crawl in bed
With a hot towel for a wrap
The little woman laughs
Her tinkling laughter
As hard as chaff...
I crawl under the covers
And beg her do please
Not another drive uptown
As I show her my bleeding torn knees...
Her sympathy oozes
From a bottle of medicinal balm
As she smears me with
More of her daily gooey calm...
Of course we drive off by SUV
Into the whirring blinding snow
I feel the Christmas Blues
And grip the wheel hard, hoping they go...
Two crates of presents
She drops on the floor
Well they weren't present til wrapped
tossing my empty wallet of credit
Assigning me this unhappy chore...
I just want to yell at her
Out right and unpleasantly,
I just can't stand you,
Nor all this Christmas cheer,
And those heels you wear,
Have the sound of a reindeer...
