Fingers frozen to the keys... can't think where to begin
Want to write... hard to release it... or hold it all in...
"Not good enough" keeps ringing in my head...
"Never make it big"... a somber silence follows instead...
And I ponder these statements with a capricious sense of awe...
What does that mean to me…my mind begins to thaw...
If I had three wishes to divulge to the air…what would I say?
I'd wish to be a self-made millionaire… my money my way...
I'd wish for health for all those I love and care about...
I'd wish for them to have the comforts of life and never struggle without...
Did you ever feel like your life is a constant series of hits and misses?
A combination of back stabs, cloaked with handshakes, hugs and kisses...
Did you ever feel like only those special ones make a magnificent difference?
That only those with extreme talent; extreme intelligence and uncanny breaks succeed
While the rest of us exist solely to remain in natural wonder of this special breed
All working to cater to their every emotional, physical, and financial need...
Our only reward...
A small pocket full of change after the bills we juggle to pay...
Only to go back to our jobs the very next day...
Busy feeding the egos of those hard at play...
So why do we admire this…why do we wish for the same?
I sit back on the other side of life...
And I feed into the disparity...
Oftentimes feeling a sense of anger and disgust, convinced I'm to blame...
Believing I am not smart enough or talented enough to win the game...
Feeling I have not tried hard enough, or made the wrong choices in life...
Fearing I did not marry the right man or he…the right wife...
And I question...
Do I want my children absorbed into this self-centered kind of life I see?
Do I want them to never know struggle...
Do I want only comforts surrounding them from here to eternity?
Do I want to know I prepared them to allow others to indulge them incessantly?
Without concern, remorse, or empathy?
And I ponder these statements with a capricious sense of awe...
What does that mean to me…my mind begins to thaw...
And then I understand...
I don't want them to feel the pain and hardship of struggle for a very long while
I don't want them to feel the hopelessness of an unintentional lifestyle...
I do want them to feel compassion and love for those in need...
Teaching them that one helping hand can allow countless others to succeed...
And I conclude...
That perhaps my children are instruments of me...
And what I teach them will come back on them and their future family...
And what I leave behind will hopefully help them and future generations...
Aware of how their behavior can affect their community and own family relations...
And that they are here for a reason; they are here to make a difference...
With a little help from their faith, perseverance, and positive persistence...
They can become instruments for their children and they of them...
Long after I am no longer around to observe how, where, and when.
Until then…I will remain confident...
