Dear Diary,
I come to you with my innermost thoughts,
My secrets,
That I am afraid to tell anyone else,
For even those I trust with so much,
There are just things I wish to keep to myself,
But, if I don't get them out somehow,
I know my mind will explode,
Sometimes I am so afraid,
I fear that I will fail myself,
And even worse,
That I will fail my son,
I always swore I'd never be my parents,
And, in some ways,
I'm not,
But, in others, I am more like them than I ever wanted to be,
But, I fight those insecurities with all I have,
Because I want to be the best mother ever,
I have already sacrificed so much for him,
And, I will continue to do so if it's what's best for my son,
Many don't really understand just what he means to me,
He is my life,
He's the only one I could say,
That I'd lay my life down for,
And, diary,
I am afraid of being alone,
I see my mother,
Always bouncing from boy-friend to boy-friend,
And my father,
Always pushing people away,
Even his own wife and children,
And, here I sit, still alone,
Will my time ever come?
Or will I stay single forever?
It's not really marriage that I'm after,
Even if I never sign the piece of paper,
And I never wear a ring,
I just want to be loved,
And to give all of my love in return,
To feel complete,
So many fears and insecurities,
Wrestle within my head,
And, tug strings on my heart,
Bad thoughts,
Dark desires,
Wishes and dreams,
Hopes and aspirations,
So much to tell you,
But, only you,
For complete trust is a hard thing to do,
I've been hurt,
Lied to and misled,
By those whom I loved,
And many who claimed to love me in return,
It's hard to hand out my trust, just like that,
Though, I yearn to,
So, for now,
I will write to you,
When I feel there is no one else to turn to,
My sole confidant,
I trust you,
For you can't tell anyone,
All that I tell you,
Will be kept under lock and key.
